Truman’s Hump Day Song of the Week: She So Cold

"If Abby is outside, tell her I'm not here."

“If Abby’s outside, tell her I’m taking a bath because of her.”

Just two days until Valentine’s Day and love is in the air. Can you smell it? It smells like a wet dog.

This morning, Truman had another semi-intimate encounter with a chubby yellow Labrador named Abby, who outweighs him by at least 30 pounds and absolutely adores him.

This is the kind of comical contrast you’d find at a Super Wal-Mart in Jacksonville, N.C. Whenever Abby sees him in the neighborhood, she immediately lunges for Truman, straining her leash and practically tearing her owner’s rotator cuff. As Abby smothers my small dog with affection, Truman looks back pleadingly, as if to say: Father, please help me.

With his face still wet with Abby’s slobber and another big storm headed to D.C., Truman briefly considered Paula Abdul’s “Cold Hearted Snake” before settling on the Rolling Stones for this week’s Hump Day Song.

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About Chairman Mao

I like fomenting socialist revolutions and purging my homeland of pseudo-intellectualism and capitalist dogma. I also like sports, dogs and food (although I wouldn't consider myself a foodie).
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