Why I Prefer to Take a Cab in D.C.

Chocolate city!

“It’s sugar, I promise!”

Some days I think the District of Columbia is run by a bunch of short-sighted, corrupt, nimrod dumbasses. Other days, I know it is.

From the city that gave us Marion Barry comes two separate initiatives will make life just a little bit more inconvenient for residents and others (like me) who travel through the District.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Exhibit A is a D.C. councilman’s proposed bill that would allow police officers to ticket cars with alarms that blare for more than five minutes. D.C. must be so perfect that cops have nothing better to do than ticket car owners in absentia. Maybe they could try something revolutionary, like trying to catch a car thief.



Exhibit B is the District’s adoption of performance-based parking meters in an apparent effort to increase turnover in parking spaces and reduce congestion on the streets. Under this system, meters in higher-traffic areas may cost more than those in lower-traffic areas. These costs are on top of the exorbitant amounts charged by D.C. parking meters, which are monitored by evil trolls riding Segueways.

Motorists who have attempted to decipher often contradictory parking instructions on a night out in D.C. know that the slightest mistake may result in a hefty ticket, as documented in this good feature in The Washingtonian about D.C.’s money-making parking ticket scam.

Next time you need to head into the city for something, take a taxi so you can look the cabbie in the eye while he rips you off. Or just walk.


About Chairman Mao

I like fomenting socialist revolutions and purging my homeland of pseudo-intellectualism and capitalist dogma. I also like sports, dogs and food (although I wouldn't consider myself a foodie).
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