Chairman’s Confession

“Just a little bit longer and you’re free…”

I have a confession to make about a part of me that I’ve kept from those closest to me — my friends, my family … I’ve never even told my wife.  The fact of the matter is, I’m straight.

I had my first encounter when I was 5, when I kissed a neighborhood girl named Emily on the front porch of her house.  I was confused and didn’t know what it meant until I was 12, when I compulsively recorded parts of the “Emmanuelle” trilogy on Cinemax for private viewing later.  I tried to suppress my straightness as I got older, but elements of it oozed out of my pores every time I stared at a pair of (women’s) boobs … until my eyes locked onto my wife’s boobs … and there they have stayed ever since.  Now that you know the truth, I hope you won’t treat me any differently.

My revelation has been overshadowed by that of Anderson Cooper, who came out of the closet this week in an email he wrote to openly gay columnist Andrew Sullivan.  In the letter, which Cooper gave Sullivan permission to post on the Web, Cooper said he kept his sexuality “to maintain some level of privacy in my life.”  And then the lesson:

“As long as a journalist shows fairness and honesty in his or her work, their private life shouldn’t matter,” Cooper wrote. “I’ve stuck to those principles for my entire professional career, even when I’ve been directly asked ‘the gay question,’ which happens occasionally.”

My first reaction was, No shit.  My second reaction was, I really don’t care.  Cooper is still the same guy reporting the news pretty fairly on TV and I don’t feel like I’ll be going to hell for watching him.  I doubt the theme song of “AC360” will become “Born This Way” or the set will be redecorated daily to match his tie color.

The intersection of our personal and professional lives is an interesting pop culture discussion, especially when celebrities’ personal lives are their professional lives.  However, that’s the furthest thing on my mind on the eve of this Fourth of July.  Call me Debbie Downer, but I tend to check this web site often.  After all, there is still a war on.

And this one.  And this one.  This one isn’t bad, either.


About Chairman Mao

I like fomenting socialist revolutions and purging my homeland of pseudo-intellectualism and capitalist dogma. I also like sports, dogs and food (although I wouldn't consider myself a foodie).
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3 Responses to Chairman’s Confession

  1. Charlie says:

    Very informative websites. However, based on the one, Truman made you watch, perhaps we should see his list.

  2. Peter says:

    It was very brave of you to come out like that. bravo to you. Your hubby and I met Anderson Cooper once. He was very slight, a small man. And last semester I took a class on American Exceptionalism from Victor Davis Hansson. He was outstanding.

  3. Saba Bob says:

    Chairman Mao: I too have a serious confession to make. I too used to record Emmanuelle. I used to sit in my bedroom with my “buds” and we would watch the videos, smoke some Missouri “ditch weed” and talk about chicks and what we would like to do with them (sexually, that is.) But now I am more grown up and I no longer engage in those juvenile activities. Instead I sit in my bedroom with my “buds”, we drink high grade single malt scotches and talk about which is better: Viagra or Cialis. Every now and then one of the guys will get too drunk and begin asking really personal questions such as: “Hey guys, do you find it harder to take a pee now that you are over 60 than when we were younger?” or “Have any of you found out if Super Beta Prostrate really works?” Have a happy 4th of July.

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